I just noticed that one of my facebook friends is a high school chick

Hey Chris Hansen! Won't work!

Why isn't he trolling university coaching staffs about now?

Pretty soon the BCS Bowl Championship Game....

....will be pushed back so far, they are just going to do it every other year.

Except leap years. They got that extra day to play with there.

This lady I know has an overbite like Erin Burnett at CNN....

                                                                                
....and talks EXACTLY like her!

It's the overbite, you know.

I am telling you, it's EXACT! Overbite speech, I call it.

Also, this lady can whistle like you can't believe. Ear-piercing, blow-your-ears-out whistles. Even blows away that whistling in "Jungle Love" by Steve Miller.

I bet Erin Burnett can do a pretty mean whistle. But not as good as my friend. You see her overbite is much bigger than Erin's.

Anybody need a Ph.D thesis topic?

You know those Mars rover things?

Never saw one do a wheelie, or a burnout.

BECAUSE IT WOULD BE PRETTY FREAKING COOL, THAT'S WHY!

Sorry I bothered you from botany book!

Geez.

When you use a plastic grocery bag to pick up your dog's "stuff"...

....you GOTTA make sure there is no hole on the bottom of the bag.

YOU GOTTA!

How's your day goin'?

I am not watching any more GOP debates....

....until they make it a "truth or dare" format.

Just not worth my time the way it is now.

Ohio State will never schedule Florida!

Florida knows his signals and will just watch him and then tackle the Ohio State guys!

You watch. Ohio State will not schedule them!

The Governor of Kansas got all bent out of shape because a teenager tweeted that he sucked?

                                                                              
He doesn't need security guards.

He needs insecurity guards!

I bet she would kick his butt in a UFC match!

Our city's new pilot recycling program is sure getting a lot of resistance from pilots

I guess I don't blame them.

Why should they do all the work?

That said, the pilots do have a special exemption from the "shovel snow from your sidewalks" ordinance.

Why? I don't know!

I think this was the backlash.

Love city politics!

Just saw a kid open an umbrella indoors

Oh well. At least his parents don't have to worry about saving for college or anything.

Why clean house....

....when you can just turn off the lights?

Aren't the simplest solutions the best?

Did you know....

....that over the course of a lifetime, a person inhales over 1000 lbs of microscopic bugs?

Probably.

How am I supposed to know if I have a headache....

....or if I just don't like sitting through this play?

Do you think the universe ever gets bored?

You know, considering it can maintain a permanent state of amusement and malevolent glee in it's antagonism of me.

Not feeling rotten or having a bad day or anything.

I see Penn State just scored!

The sound you hear is that of nobody in the country cheering.

Looking back at the "Thanksgiving extended-family" thing....

....is a reminder as to why we do things differently.

Can't escape the gothic

It's all around you, you know.

Hey guys with ponytails!

Thanks for the warning!

We're not all that different!

Egyptians risk their lives for representative government.

Americans do the same for flat screen tvs!

We should reach out more!

Before Judge Judy goes to Hell....

....I hope God really yells at her a lot.

And doesn't let her get a word in edgewise.

Less Black Friday!

More Black Sabbath!

Priorities, people!

On one hand, Holidays are kind of depressing

On the other, FREAKING CHEESECAKE!

The worst business name ever?

And just why not?!

Happy Thanksgiving!

No place like home!

I hope you all have an absolutely wonderful Thanksgiving!

At what age do you tell a highway....

....you know, that they're adopted?

Where are the experts on this?

Once mini-skirts went out of fashion....

....he quit the job.

Lost his motivation or somethin'.

Can't escape the gothic

It's all around you, you know.

Something tells me that Arizona needs to work on their blocking!

God's birthday is January 1st, right?

What other date could it be?

I mean no one else goes first, right?

(Conclusion arrived at via God-given logic)

UC Davis?!

Penn State?!

High school diplomas sure are looking pretty good about now.

Been reading this book on probabilities....

....and now when people say "What are the odds?", I tell them exactly.

THUG LIFE!

I am the 1%!

White Castle before 2:00 am!

Why is the "Sexiest Man Alive" always a movie star?

What about that guy in Bismark, North Dakota?

Not famous but you gotta see him!

Yes twitter!

No doubt I should follow someone who hasn't tweeted in 24 months.

Thanks for the recommendation!

I don't drink too much!

Just the right amount!

But constantly.

(Don't have a problem)

You know, a team playing literally hungry....

....would be at a significant disadvantage.

A cliche in need of improvement.

Do you think Lou Reed talks in the shower?

I mean he can't sing, right?

How old is too old to run away from home?

Asking for a friend.

Poet fatally slammed!

Some government regulation needed obviously.

I guess the word "horseplay" is pretty much ruined forever!

Thanks Jerry!

(I've been trying it out and "muleplay" just doesn't cut it. Still searching.)

There is a GOP debate two days before Thanksgiving!

Kids table for all those with less than 5% in the polls!