....really needing to pee but not going.
What ever happened to good old intermissions?
Minggu, 31 Juli 2011
I spend 75% of every concert....
....really needing to pee but not going.
What ever happened to good old intermissions?
Horrific dream last night!
Ran out of material.
Had nothing to say.
Like Nancy Grace without the dead kids.
Woke up thankfully!
Felt like Jim Belushi.
Sabtu, 30 Juli 2011
I saw one of those "back to school" commercials....
....and I got sad.
Then I remembered that I'm an adult...........and I got REALLY sad!
I'll never forget where I was when I heard about JFK getting shot
Seventh grade history class.
(I heard about the Civil Rights Act the next day)
Jumat, 29 Juli 2011
Remember the 80's....
....when welders were really good dancers?
A dormant dual skill but I bet it comes back!
Some "apparently blind" guy asked me where the French restaurant was!
I got jeans and a t-shirt on!
Going to "the border" myself!
Ask Francois!
All those critics that are panning the Smurfs movie?
They just don't "get it"!
Same people that never "got" Dungeons & Dragons.
If ya gotta explain....
Beeped my horn at an elderly lady sitting at a red light....
....for not making a "right turn on red" even though you don't have to.
After we turned, I pulled up alongside her.
Shakin' like a leaf!
THUG LIFE!
Kamis, 28 Juli 2011
Rabu, 27 Juli 2011
Some guy presses the button right after I pressed it!
What the?!
I held it together pretty well though.
He's lucky!
Insults like that can't stand!
I betcha I wouldn't have all these problems....
....if I was left handed.
I mean they have been able to go through life running with scissors in the wrong hand and being able to see themselves "the right way" in mirrors and all that stuff.
That said, putting the key in the ignition for them? Sucks!
Maybe, "righty" is better after all.
Carry on.
Gonna go into the Borders "Liquidation" store....
....and raise hell about "something".
Gonna keep acting out and screaming "the customer is always right" but at the same time telling them I am willing to be "reasonable".
Maybe they will give me the whole CD section!
THUG LIFE!
Selasa, 26 Juli 2011
She says she said "Hello, Housekeeping!" three times
Three times!
Let me tell you, when we are on vacation, and we somehow forget to put the "Do Not Disturb" sign out and we hear "Hello Housekeeping!", we are like SCRAMBLING!
It's like "Stop jumping on the bed and turn that Spongebob down! And stop ripping pages out of that Gideons bible! Oh man, how did that headboard get in pieces?! Hey miss can you come back in just a few minutes?!"
But not this Strauss guy. He ALLEGEDLY heard "Hello Housekeeping!" (THREE TIMES!) and did no scrambling. None! Silence on his end.
Because he was (ALLEGEDLY) waiting, if you ask me. Not scrambling. Just sitting. Waiting.
SO GUILTY!
The dude heard "Hello Housekeeping!" (THREE TIMES!) and did nothing!
Senin, 25 Juli 2011
Has a bus driver ever "pancaked" someone during this maneuver?
Bus drivers aren't perfect, you know!
I got a checkered future!
Just in case anyone plans of having any future dealings with me or anything.
Love to really gun the engine....
....when I drive by a guy holding a sign in costume with limited vision.
Can't be too comfortable standing on the street corner, you know.
What kind of witness would he be anyway if he got hit!
THUG LIFE!
Minggu, 24 Juli 2011
My two greatest fears are cancer to any bodily organ....
....and the dj switching from slow songs to fast songs while I am on the dance floor.
And not in that order either!
Just drank some soy milk....
....in case anybody wants to talk philosophy or "new age" stuff or anything.
Sabtu, 23 Juli 2011
She looks like a....
...."if that chick don't wanna know, forget her!" chick.
What does that even mean anyway?
Well what does "Thin Lizzy" mean?
Jumat, 22 Juli 2011
Tired of this freaking heat!
I wouldn't gay-marry Mr. Freeze or anything but...
Well...
No, no, no, I wouldn't!
Need a logo for a hockey team in Winnipeg?
Don't go hiring some hoity toity research firm for ideas or anything like that.
Take it off a beer bottle!
I can't tell which Kardashian is which
Which is ok because the day I can is the day I hand in my species card.
Reuse old receipts....
....for that receipt checker person.
"Buy" the same stuff though!
Thumb over the date of course.
Don't just hand it over! Hold it!
THUG LIFE!
Kamis, 21 Juli 2011
You know horseflies?
One just stalked and bullied me!
Let me tell you. Those little laser shooter things DON'T work!
Neither does a cell phone ring tone!
I am not a horse!
Where is Lionel Richie when you need him?
White Album
Why don't Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson make more out of this blatant racism?
Because they're British?
Been looking for a shirt for a while
Just found it scanning some photos my wife loaded on the computer!
Just where I left it!
Rabu, 20 Juli 2011
I guess I would wish a Happy Anniversary to the Lunar Landing".....
....if it like REALLY HAPPENED!
That rock they "brought back"?
Loretta Lynn's father saw a NASA guy take that out of a coal mine in Kentucky and shine it up "real good" and then take it away. Same contours and everything! They know the spot where it was.
Did you know that Buzz Aldrin was seen eating in a restaurant that night called Peco's Szechuan Grille in Sudbury, Ontario? The waitress said he ordered General Pao's chicken, light on the curry. Even requested no MSG.
I could go on and on.
Rain sure would help!
Well as long as the rain drops aren't boiling by the time they hit the ground.
Whad'ya mean that can't happen?!
Been outside lately?
And it doesn't feel any cooler when you convert it to Celsius!
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